The Red Hen

When I think of things I did NOT enjoy as a child, the list is surprisingly short: Math, church service, the tuna fish and crumbled crackers dinner my dad made when ma was at work (“because it’s simple; it’s what we ate during The War.”) and antiques. Not the antiques themselves, but the act of shopping for them. Few childhood memories evoke that very specific type of hopeless dread I feel when someone mentions, “going antiquing.”

In my hometown in northern California, the Red Hen was a mecca of antiquing. It was a long, barn-like building comprised of many different booths, like an indoor flea market. My ma used to con me into going by saying we were headed up-valley for ice cream, and then, “oh, well look at that, we’re going to drive right by the Red Hen! I’m just going to pop in for a minute. I’ll be fast, I promise! 10 minutes max.” LIES! I don’t think we were ever in there for less than an hour.

My memories of the Red Hen are vivid and unpleasant. Healthy, childlike curiosity was not encouraged inside the store, and my ma made me walk around with my hands in my back pockets. Should a hand stray out of pocket, even if I thought my ma was in another part of the store, she’d appear out of nowhere and hiss, “HANDS!” 

The only food at the Red Hen was a bowl of disgusting sugar-free candy located next to the cash register under the watchful eye of a lady with large glasses and magnificent, flaming orange hair. She guarded the candy dish as though they were antiques, and they pretty much were, having expired years ago.

There were a few things I liked looking at, although not enough to override the trauma of an afternoon at the Red Hen. One booth sold milky, mint green Depression glass, called “Jadeite,” which reminded me of the edible tea sets in Willy Wonka. During one trip, my ma actually bought me a cup, and oh what a glorious day that was! I spent the afternoon throwing a tea party with my stuffed animals, and, despite a stern warning not to, gnawing on my inedible glass cup. Before the 1940s, some jadeite glass was made with uranium. To test it, shine one of those hotel jizz finder black lights on it, and if it has uranium, it’ll glow.

A quaint farmhouse behind the antique store was the offices of “Balloons Above the Valley,” a company that specialized in a popular tourist activity that involved a giant balloon with a little basket dangling from the bottom, in which four living people were crammed as they ascended into the sky via an air-filled fabric bubble kept aloft by fire. This is actually a thing people still do today because they’re insane. 

On the north end of the property was the Red Hen Cantina, a restaurant notorious for having diarrhea-inducing food. The Cantina still operates today at a different location, and while I can’t personally attest to the food, Yelp reviewers don’t seem too fond of it- “Reminds me of the time I went to the Philippines and got the tapeworm,” and, “Garbage. I wish I had 4 hands so I could give this place 4 thumbs down.” If someone hates a place so much that they wish for extra appendages to utilize in such a frivolous manner, I’m going to take their word for it.

The Cantina was briefly turned into the restaurant Zare, which didn’t last long. I’m erroneously blaming its demise on the decorating scheme, which is PURPLE, SO MUCH PURPLE, and sorry but purple is an unappetizing color for a restaurant. 

The Red Hen was sold in 2011 to winery owner Ken Laird, who hasn’t done anything with the property except let it sit and….dare I say it…be “reclaimed by nature.” I don’t know if there are any current development or sales plans, but undoubtedly it will eventually be turned into another winery, upscale restaurant, or some other type of place that evokes The Fear in children.

One of the other farmhouses on the property behind the Red Hen. It was used as an office, but I’m not sure if it was part of the balloon company or something else.

  

Painted windows in a booth inside the main antiques building.

Some artsy shots of colors n’ plants n’ stuff.

     

The farmhouse had some kid drawings taped to the walls, I’m particularly fond of the stick figure style on the right in the top drawing.

Now that I’m old, I actually enjoy antiquing, but I’ve got a pretty limited time of tolerance before I have to leave and go get ice cream. 

For more photos, to go my Red Hen Flickr set

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