Penn Hills Resort

2017 update: the latest of many fires at Penn Hills destroyed the main building, and the others are stated for demolition. 

2015 update: The World’s Fair lamp posts (seen later in this post) have been saved! Many thanks to David Turner who wrote to tell me he bought them and they’re safe in storage, awaiting restoration. I made a comic about the lampposts, which included a marriage proposal by David to his partner Aaron. The comic is also in my book Tenements, Towers, & Trash. 

As it stands today, Penn Hills Resort is a repugnant, bombed-out shithole, a far cry from its original delightful midcentury architecture and its tacky splendor of the ‘70s. Located in the Poconos in Analomink, Pennsylvania, it was once a gaudy honeymoon resort geared towards couples and swingers and…well, why don’t I allow this 1978 commercial explain it for me:

It gives me genuine joy to muse about the unfathomable amount of cocaine, body hair, and STDs this place must have seen. I didn’t do too much research into its history, but during the little I did, “unbridled passion” and “the paradise of Poconos pleasure” were words my eyes were punished with for my efforts.

Penn Hills began as a tavern in 1944 and soon took over 500 acres with a ski resort, golf course, tennis courts, swimming pools, waterfalls, a stream, a spa, cabins, and lodges. It was famous for throwing lavish New Years’ Eve parties, like this one described in the New York Times: “This year’s guests, like those at the Caesars resorts, will be issued noisemakers, leis, and hats. Entertainment will include a magician and violin players who walk around taking requests. The ceiling of the nightclub where the party is held is always invisible behind the layer of balloons, and it is a tradition at Penn Hills that no balloon goes unpopped.” NO BALLOON GOES UNPOPPED.

In the years preceding its closure in 2009, Penn Hills fell into financial trouble, the place began to decline, and visitors were scarce.  When co-founder Frances Paolillo died at age 102, the resort was shut down within two months.

Employees openly discussed the quick decline of Penn Hills, as quoted in the Pocono Record: “It’s like we work for a haunted hotel…People check in and check out within 15 minutes…The disappointment on their faces…The rooms [at Penn Hills] are around $300 a night. You can get a better room at the Howard Johnson’s for $55.”  Before closing, the employees went on to disclose that “Penn Hills has not been properly maintained and housekeeping cannot hide chipped tubs, broken mirrors, and mold behind the carpet on bathroom walls.” The last quote pretty much sums up how it looks today.

Turns out my favorite part of Penn Hills was something I didn’t even know about until later: Original streetlights from the 1964 World’s Fair in Queens, as featured in the photo below, which I’ve taken the courtesy of ruining by circling the lights in yellow:

Below, two perfectly in preserved streetlights on the Penn Hills grounds.

I had no idea what they were and didn’t take any good photos of them. I only found out when I researched it later.

The pool was supposed to be shaped like a wedding bell but it’s totally a boob.

This place would actually make a pretty cool ski lodge if someone fixed it up. The Poconos remains a vacation spot for many people, however, the resorts fell out of favor for private houses, RVs, and camping.

This postcard above is of an early incarnation of the resort before it got popular. The cabins along the right side of the image were replaced by these things, which I actually really like:

I can’t quite figure out the look they were going for with the front desk.

The indoor sports area seems to be where a lot of the cum stained furniture was stashed before the resort closed up shop. It was used for ice skating in the winter, sports in the summer, and had a little arcade in the back.

Amendment #1 I just talked a bunch of (mostly speculative) shit about this place, but allow me to eat my hat and share with you an email I got from the photographer of the earlier photo of honeymooners in the jacuzzi:

“In the early 80’s when I was in the photography biz I spent four or five years working in and around Penn Hills resort in the Poconos. The WIKI article about it being for swingers was very inaccurate.  It was a corny Honeymoon resort for young marrieds, mostly from the north-western states and Canada, and a small but interesting and educated couple of guests each season from Mexico. 

The guests were very young, mostly they came to the Poconos because they couldn’t afford Hawaii, which was the hottest US honeymoon destination, or Paris, an unaffordable trip for most in those years. These kids were sweet, young and sincere. I remember kids on their honeymoon who thought the maitre’ d was the owner because he wore a tux.

I was good friends with many of the comedians and singers and dancers that did the shows, most were trying to work their way into NYC night clubs. Some had SAG cards and had done commercials here and there. None were strippers, hookers or heroin junkies (that I could tell anyway) or any better or worse than average entertainers. Thursday (I think) was Western Night with a fiddle band from PA with a young fiddle player and his whole family in the band, that had the place rocking, if you’ll excuse the expression.”

So I stand corrected, and thanks so much to Alan, who sent me an email to politely point that out and enlighten me about the atmosphere of the resort.

To see more photos, go to my Penn Hills Resort Flickr set

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